@Cpin42: Schrödinger: How’s my cat, Doc?
Vet: I have good news and bad news..
@TitansHomer: How do Mexicans cut their pizza?
With Little Ceasars
*drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*
@GrantTanaka: Hey kids, for Halloween, let’s go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead!
@OutOfLeftField_: I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs.
For a second, I thought, "Should I help?"
Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
@radtoria: picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked
@DepecheALAmode: I want to get married just so I can throw my wedding ring in anger. I bet it's a lot cooler than aggressively untying a friendship bracelet.