@Fred_Delicious: science defines a baby as "a small smooth poopy man, no taller than a lamp"
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@Naked_Wombat: 9: You like Twitter Dad? Me: Yep 9: I'll join and be your friend. M: Cool, extra math is great! 9: It's a math thing? M: yep 9: nevermind
@AmishPornStar1: Few people realize that before they were domesticated, the wild vacuum cleaner was the only natural predator of wolves... Hence, dogs instinctive reaction to them today.
@hippieswordfish: *guy collapses* ICE CREAM MAN: does anyone know CPR DOCTOR:*looks at ice cream cones in both his hands, looks up, then slowly walks away*
@VaguelyFunnyDan: When I saw "likes music" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!