@geekysteven: Science fact: If you took a human intestinal tract and stretched it from the Earth to the Moon, you would definitely get fired from NASA.
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@juneohara65: Sound smarter than you are: end words with "eaux" and sentences with "if you will." If you're pissed, "quite frankly" adds a nice touch.
@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]
@joejwest: COP: Give back the money you stole ME: Already spent it COP: On what? ME: Karate lessons which [does vague swishes w/ hand] I did not attend