@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Old lady] Please dont pet my dog. She's a service dog [Me] Omg I'm so sorry (stands up straight & salutes dog) Thank you for your service