@Sickayduh: Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs. I've been to the museum. It's obvious they starved to death.
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@kyry5: Me: "This Chardonnay is so nice, I can really taste the oaky undertones" "Sir those are just chunks of cork from opening it with your keys"
@astutenewf: My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark.
@theoduscrane: I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, "I'm a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out."
@FuckabillyRex: I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong.