@TheToddWilliams: Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it.
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@Reverend_Scott: Sometimes I ask myself, what would Aquaman do? So I sit in the bathtub and cry about how useless I am.
@matt___nelson: Nepal: "just like awkwardly stack two triangles to make our flag" All the other countries have rectangles "TWO TRIANGLES" Alright ok fine
@Sean_Burgundy_: I hate when I meet a beautiful woman and have to leave bc someone who beat me in a rap battle is walking my way
@emmatheist: [Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew