@TheToddWilliams: Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@biggt1973: Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana
@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.
@Thynebear: Psychopaths make up about 1% of the US population. Exposing them is easy, just text your friends & check who has their read receipts on.
@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.