@slimmy_shady: Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven't met my kids.
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@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: If you don't exercise, there's really no point in dieting. ME: I can't wait to tell my wife the good news.
@QwertyJones3: Friend: I got a job as a carpenter, but it sucks. Me: No prob, just learn a few magic tricks and people will worship you as their savior.
@TheMichaelRock: I bet the murder rate is so low in Canada because you have to go 300 miles to find someone to kill.
@SincerelyMen: If you think meeting your girlfriends parents is hard just remember? Someone is going to try to date Eminems daughter