@downfront: Scientists discover that Jupiter's moon, Europa, may be suitable for human habitation. When asked to comment Jupiter stated, "Oh, hell no."
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@NicestHippo: I love emoji. No longer do I have to type out "This weather is yellow face with hearts instead of eyes"
@samthe8th: When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
@bornmiserable: Always the bridesmaid, never the winner of the office costume party because I keep going as a bridesmaid