@downfront: Scientists discover that Jupiter's moon, Europa, may be suitable for human habitation. When asked to comment Jupiter stated, "Oh, hell no."
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@OfficeofSteve: They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot
@Try2StopME: A baby was born laughing really hard with it's fists closed! The confused Doctor unfolded it's tiny fingers, & found a birth control pill.
@ericsshadow: When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I'm going to ask him for some dating advice.
@tastefactory: [ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen