@leducviolet: Scientists have identified the dog particle. It is a good particle. Such a good particle yes it is. Does it want a treatsy weatsy yes it doe
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@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.
@EndhooS: [Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... "How late?" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you...
@Brampersandon_: [around campfire] ME: *grabs guitar* Hey kids how about a song? KIDS: Yeah! ME: ok *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODI
@iwearaonesie: if people really didn't want to hear smartass responses they wouldn't keep asking questions like "do you know why i pulled you over?"