@petemandik: Scientists report global context shortage. "I guess I'll have flan," some scientist said, totally out of context.
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@DiamondLou69: Saw a sign that read "Free Coupons". What I want to know is what kind of terrorist would hold coupons captive in the first place?
@SadPeruna: Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don't have friends.
@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.