@petemandik: Scientists report global context shortage. "I guess I'll have flan," some scientist said, totally out of context.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
@iAmDelFreaky: I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry.
@turtledumplin: We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing...and if you can't think of who, that friend is you.