@TheTweetOfGod: "Scientology" is a combination of "scient-," meaning "science," and "-ology," meaning "science." And it just gets stupider from there.
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@dankashane20: Why would you chase a waterfall? They don't move to different spots you know. It's pretty much just right there.
@MoistPork: "He's a jerk. I'm over him anyway. (5 minutes later) Ooh, he texted! I want to have his babies!" -Women
@droidbears: [caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit