@drewtoothpaste: #SCOTUS one-star review
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@internetluke: [on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya
@murrman5: [tv interview] did you get upset? "that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself" don't do that. just curse and we will add the beeps
@karencreets: Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling
@jordan_stratton: SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?