@Underchilde: *Scrawls “HELP ME, MY PARENTS ARE VEGANS!” on gas station restroom mirror*
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@Kyle_Lippert: I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
@PeaceInTruth1: Dogs have a tendency to bark just to hear themselves bark. Reminds me of some people I know.
@stephenjmolloy: [Man starts having a heart attack on a United flight] Attendant: "Is there a doctor on board?" Ian: "I'm a-" *gets dragged off the flight*