@Underchilde: *Scrawls “HELP ME, MY PARENTS ARE VEGANS!” on gas station restroom mirror*
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@JaneBadall: Babe, does this mole look suspicious to you? *Points at mole wearing sunglasses and a raincoat*
@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.
@SondraDeeMe: [train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops.