@Underchilde: *Scrawls “HELP ME, MY PARENTS ARE VEGANS!” on gas station restroom mirror*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyAsAdjective: Saw a guy riding a unicycle today. Actually, he was riding a bicycle but I didn't see him & I hit him with my car. Then boom! Unicycle.
@markydoodoo: *strums guitar* This is a little ditty I've been working on called "Stop putting nuts in the god damn brownies" Hope you like it.
@TheToddWilliams: "It seems like many polls are turning against you. How do you respond?" TRUMP: They should be sent back to Poland. Very dangerous people.
@nishadtrivedi: If you feel trapped in your body with no way out, just think about that guy in the middle of a conga line.