@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'm not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say "let it go" too often and then I can't stop singing it, an autobiography.
@Ygrene: [Being murdered at Walmart] Please will you dump my dead body at Target people can't know I shopped here
@ibid78: CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is
@SteveKoehler22: [Mad scientist lamenting] "All that work, trying to create a perfect palindrome ..wasted! DAMMIT I'M MAD !" (Pauses) "Hey...wait