@SaraMansford: Screw you, Burger King, if you really wanted me to have it "MY way" you'd have added alcohol to your menu.
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@thenatewolf: *Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please.
@1par8head: Daughter text me from upstairs..come here and bring your glasses..that can only mean one thing...we are about to make fun of people on FB...