@JamieDMJ: Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.
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@CheryeDavis: When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box...But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.
@shanethevein: Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying. They don't bully people who'd throat punch em without thinking twice.
@Tharin_P: Why learn a second language, when you don't have anything interesting to say in your first one?
@ABurgerADay: [tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend.