@blamingboredom: Seals are just dog mermaids.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Me: "I can't turn on the shower" Plumber: "It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up" *Hands over shower cap*
@midnitesoc: "The Walking Dad," but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's "not made of money"
@Habbibti: A grand jury is made up of a cross-section of the community. I ride the train w/the cross-section & it's mostly people peeing on the floor.