@blamingboredom: Seals are just dog mermaids.
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@dreamthievin: A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
@Marlebean: Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Truth or dare I: M: I:.. Dare M: I dare you to give me this job I:(under breath) Damn she's good
@DevilryFun: Looking back, my financial health took a turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.