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@QwertyJones3: "Seamstress, you come pleat me."
@lloydrang: I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree.
I think I found my spirit animal.
@s_cLaN07: My neighbors look so happy.
We can fix that.
@AudreyPorne: me: well I grew up without a dad and I turned out okay
cw: don't u collect human teeth??
me: yeah but they're not my teeth
@clindsaysway: Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine.
@KissabiX: Shakira: It's not you, it's me
Soon to be ex boyfriend: *looks at her hips*
Shakiras hips: It totally is you, you breathe far too heavily