@krissywillbretz: Searched my teens room for drugs, was told "you don't give me enough money for drugs." I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JoParkerBear: Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president.
@LionJenkins: I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'd like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.