@krissywillbretz: Searched my teens room for drugs, was told "you don't give me enough money for drugs." I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance.
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@david8hughes: [phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."
@Kyle_Raney: Dang girl, are you an unreliable scientific claim? Because imma need you to BACK THAT UP
@KeetRidley: "Hey, your fly's down" Oh shit.. *pets fly's head* you'll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we'll get you some new wings