@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do
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@Mister_Veritas: [first day in the mob] *leans over to mafioso* Hey, so, uhh, I've always wondered: are they all just named "Don" or...
@k_lli: Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how ‘Tree Trunk’ is doing
@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
@P0tterhead_394: My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her.