@IGotsSmarts: Searching for stuff on the internet when you're drunk is called Beer Googles.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.
@sa_mohn: In school it be like 2+2=4. Homework: 2x8+3=19. Then the test: Juan has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the suns mass. Wtf