@ashlar36: Secretly hoping my ex will call or text one day, just so I can reply, 'Who's this?'
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@DurtMcHurtt: This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself.
@Fred_Delicious: "so doc... am I dying?" "we're all dying, just at different speeds" "but what about me" "You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"
@seandunn76: Patients get nervous when I walk into surgery wearing my lucky cape but I didn't go to medical school so I need all the luck I can get.
@ashley_barnhill: My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.