@ashlar36: Secretly hoping my ex will call or text one day, just so I can reply, 'Who's this?'
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@JohnLyonTweets: Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
@alexjmann: I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.