@ilovepie84: Secretly killing birds and making It look like a suicide - Windexter.
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@Amrrwise: Dear spouse: When I said I needed more physical contact, I was not aiming for you to high five me whenever I walk by...
@tommygunz07: Hugh Hefner lived so long that his first wife's name was Mildred and his last wife's name was Crystal.
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?" therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"