@ilovepie84: Secretly killing birds and making It look like a suicide - Windexter.
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@brandynwiththey: I'm glad Pitbull always announces his name right away so I know when to turn the radio off.
@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.
@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window
@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed