@AmericanGent69: *security rushes to the department store fitting room to break up a fight but just finds me trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans.
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@Book_Krazy: Me: *showing the priest a gif of a dog chasing his tail* Haha it's like he never stops Priest: Ok but I said "Bring the GIFTS to the alter"
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.
@bwebster76: Do people who use handkerchiefs know they don't have to hang on to the things that come out of their nose?
@SaddestFinger: My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he's a seasoned vet.