@AmericanGent69: *security rushes to the department store fitting room to break up a fight but just finds me trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@theguydf: It's 2014 and somehow we still don't have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
@AndrewNadeau0: REPORTER: How do you feel after serving 6 months under house arrest? ME: I did not realize that had started.
@SimonNRicketts: BIDEN: I'mma punch him when he comes here. OBAMA: No, Joe. Don't do that. BIDEN: Punch him round the back. OBAMA: Joe. BIDEN: Kick, then.