@ninjadinosaur1: *seductively moistens your lips with the meatloaf
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@neptunemoons: "Mom! Mom! Hold this cockroach while I grab the lizard!" --Things I honestly never imagined I'd hear as a parent
@rickolantern: Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week. I won every single event. Every. Single. Event.
@thatUPSdude: That awkward moment when you pretend to be on the phone so you can avoid talking to someone, then your phone rings.