@ninjadinosaur1: *seductively moistens your lips with the meatloaf
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@TheCatWhisprer: Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
@Sean_Burgundy_: There's nothing worse than when you tell someone it's a long story and they reply with "I have time."
@zachreinert03: I hate "save the date" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out "hey forget about that one date 6 months ago" cards
@david8hughes: [meeting at round table] "King Arthur, if I may?" "Go ahead." "Castles but bouncier." "Bouncy castles?" "But you gotta take your shoes off."