@Just_some_girl2: Seeing twin toddler red haired girls on leashes in Target was my birth control reminder for the day.
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@thetigersez: My brother's girlfriend is meeting my family rn & my dad just offered to introduce her to my nana's ashes, this is the best night of my life
@alispagnola: I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, "helium." Also, my friend is a balloon.
@YAppelbaum: Honored sirs, I am PRINCE KIELSEN and I am contacting you with exciting opportunity. I recently inherited an island but need a small amount of cash. Send a money order for $600,000,000 to my account and I will give you “Greenland.”