@ScottLinnen: "Seek immediate medical help if you experience a resurrection lasting more than 2000 years."
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@daemonic3: 911: What's your emergency? "I put the Ford in affordable housing." 911: Are you flirting? "No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"
@WilliamAder: Went to the store without my dentures because what are the odds Scarlett Johansson and I would be reaching for the same box of fish sticks?
@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
@TheAlexNevil: *gets bitten by a radioactive bear *before developing super powers, gets eaten by radioactive bear