@rolldiggity: Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: I'm not going to drink in 2017 *in hospital 3 days later* Doctor: You have to drink water you idiot
@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.
@asimplesean: Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him
@thejessbess: (interviewer): do you have any questions? (me): ya can a werewolf bite really kill a vampire?