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@QwertyJones3: Seems to me the guy who named sneakers was up to no good.
@timdonakowski: "These fries are too crispy" - inventor of the microwave
@WildeThingy: *Panda walks into shop, "A packet of nuts please."
Assistant: "pandas don't eat nuts."
-"dammit" panda suit opens and 36 squirrels run off.
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date]
Me: I'm just looking to take things slow
Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@KKAlThani: I over-think, therefore I ruin everything
@BobTheSuit: Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over.
Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.