@QwertyJones3: Seems to me the guy who named sneakers was up to no good.
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@OfficialMizGin: I put a message in an empty wine bottle and threw it in the ocean. It said, “Please refill and return to sender.” Now I wait.
@aveuaskew: If all the Domino's employees in the world held hands, you'd have to make your own pizza.
@AimeeHelene1: Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!
@batkaren: ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested.