@jonnysun: *sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT
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@jonnysun: BARBER: what'll it be ME: can u make me feel extremeley self-conscious for 45 minutes BARBER: u got it
@EliTerry: I think marriage should be between a robot and a spider horse because I'm a retarded man child and this is what I bring to the conversation.
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.
@Wakenbake77: Nice beard bro looks like you just ate a bunch of lollipops then made out with your cat