@LosLos__: [Sees cute barista]
I'll have a quickie.
Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.
@Schmoodles: Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."
@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
@GinAndJif: My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly.
Oh no wait. I'm thinking of a lighthouse again.
@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left
@DaddyJew: [lunch break]
Gf: I have 30min
Me: you thinking what im thinking?
Gf: oh yea *starts undressing
Me: *googles closest laser tag location