@LosLos__: [Sees cute barista]
I'll have a quickie.
Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.
@ShanaRose21: Telling someone "You are not alone" can be either extremely comforting or absolutely creepy depending on the context.
@jazmasta: "David you're late again!"
[cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer]
@OutOfLeftField_: Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing.
@farleftcoast: Whenever anyone quotes the Bible to me I quote Harry Potter to them because I too love a good magical fiction book.
@KingsnorthAP: Death. Resurrection. Saviour. I believe in Robocop.