@SincerelyMen: "Seize the day" in Latin is "Carpe Diem" ..."Seize the day" in Douchebag is "YOLO"
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@VanVeenB: Dance like nobody's watching you. 'Cause they're not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~
@DrDogMD: NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*
@curlycomedy: When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb now leave."
@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"