@SincerelyMen: "Seize the day" in Latin is "Carpe Diem" ..."Seize the day" in Douchebag is "YOLO"
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@jus4golf: I once went out with a girl that said she was flexible like a Slinky. Two flights of stairs later, I decided she wasn't.
@RunwayDan: At any given time, I know more about the whereabouts of my Amazon packages than I do any member of my extended family.
@HorribleDancer: Just once, I want someone to kick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
@IAmKashWah: Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice.