@iMakeUIaugh: selfie game
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@audipenny: Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope
@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
@JB4Realz: "Y'ever wonder why the TARDIS is square on the outside but round on the inside?" *SuperCuts lady finishes my haircut without another word*
@Terdoh: If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about.