@iMakeUIaugh: selfie game
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@joelu72: [writing my first autopsy report] There was a slight mix-up initially but it turns out the guy died from an accidental autopsy
@envydatropic: Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
@Ohgoddessitsme: My fathers wife bought a "Christian cookbook" I didn't even know they had different recipes, I've been eating sin all along.
@HomeProbably: My son wants a new iPhone for Christmas and I'm having fond memories of when he couldn't talk.