@iMakeUIaugh: selfie game
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@envydatropic: I passed a sofa on the expressway on my way to work..... I've never wanted to pull over so bad in my entire life
@Jenn_H_Scott: My 8yo just asked my permission to say "shit" to express his anger, so don't tell me I'm not raising a polite kid.
@Naked_Superman: It's the embarrassment, not the blunt force trauma that kills you when you're hit by a Smart car.
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Your home was robbed ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system C: Didn't work M: Back to the drawing board C: They stole that M: Dang