@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
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@kcmoore51: Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.
@Rachrinc: I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
@EliTerry: I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER