@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
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@imteddybless: us women should leave something 2 the imagination. for example it should always be unclear whether ur human or a mysterious glowing vapour
@LuckyLea13: I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself
@big_mick_carter: Chinese takeaway - £17 Delivery charge - £1 Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers - Riceless
@LoneWolfStories: Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me.