@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
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@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers
@ArfMeasures: "We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes" CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan
@osigat: <- I've been drinking for almost 6 hours. If you see something wash up on shore that looks like this, please identify me.