@TheSharona06: Sent him a pic and he replied "BOOM!!" Trying to figure out if that means he liked it or he threw himself on a grenade.
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@NicestHippo: *deliberately drops paper in front of cute girl* Oh my goodness was that my...(sexy voice) political science degree
@WeissBrandon: Friend: If Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Nickelback, and Creed all died in a plane crash who would you miss the most? Me.. F... M.. F.. Me: the pilot
@cervixsmash: I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial” and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”