@Darlainky: Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
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@FatherWithTwins: Cashier: Need to see some ID Me: You get a lot of 20yo guys buying tampons, diapers, grapes & whiskey? Cashier: Yup Me: Ok, here you go then
@justabloodygame: As Caesar dies on the Senate floor, 'With or Without You' starts to play. "U2, Brutus?" He sighs, coughing wearily as the world fades away.
@BeardedRambles: Waiter: Ready to order? Me: Yes, what goes well with an overbearing sis-in-law with delusions of grandeur? W: ... M: ... W: ... M: Whiskey.
@Sickayduh: MOM: You give that back to him, mister ME: Ok mom MOM: and what do we say now? ME: *climbing off unicycle* sorry I tried to steal your girl