@KenJennings: SERIOUS TWEET: help I just put on hand lotion and now I can't get out of this room
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@AdmiralAkbrown: "Oh look, it's sleeping!" "Oh look, it's sleeping!" "Oh look, it's sleeping!" -every trip to the zoo, ever
@AlisonAgosti: If Jesus died for our sins then why are there so many popups when i try to watch a movie online illegally
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Weather channel: It's going to get up into the mid-30's this afternoon but it'll still feel like it's in the teens. Me: Literally me.
@kelkulus: Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a "romcom" so I'm going to assume she means "Roman Combat" and put on Gladiator.