@shariv67: Seriously considering telling the CDC I have Ebola, so they'll clean my house.
@DurtMcHurtt: I've dated a vegetarian, trust me, they put meat in their mouth.
@GayDeceiver: Morning meeting about improving communication cancelled because not everyone knew about it.
I wish I could make this up.
@GabbbarSingh: To take revenge, I'LL EAT CHINESE.
@mstern68: You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are much neater than other prisoners'
@Schmoodles: There's a party in my pants, with an all you can eat buffet, and a VIP entrance in the rear.