@uncle_fescue: Seriously how much of Krypton fell to earth and how do bad guys keep finding it? You're Superman, handle your shit. This ain't a game, dawg.
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@munkayc: Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled..
@novicefather: I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day.
@hazelmotes1: My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now.