@uncle_fescue: Seriously how much of Krypton fell to earth and how do bad guys keep finding it? You're Superman, handle your shit. This ain't a game, dawg.
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@vickykhappy: A lady told me that Autism is punishment for the sins of the parent. That is the story of me punching a lady in a church parking lot.
@thatcarlygirl: What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you? - My toddler, wooing the dog
@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 cakes in the world, crab, pan, pound, urinal and let them eat.