@SCbchbum: Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
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@BlackJerms: At Twitter HQ J: Users haven't complained in a while, what's going on? Devs: Oh, we've got just the thing *releases update
@SexytotheNorth: [First date] Me: What do you prefer, flat or sparkling? Him: Water? Me: No, my personality.
@walks_on_legs: Interview tip: maintain eye contact. If they try to look at documents, put your head between them and the documents.
@shutupmikeginn: The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.