@patcasey72: Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
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@ClickBaite: [Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.
@parsfarce: me: i would like a *prepares to wow vietnamese waiter with my attention to pronunciation* "pho" korean waiter: we do not serve this dish
@QuietPsycho: I think the Wu Tang clan is a Chinese organized crime family trying to wrestle control of the orange drink market from the "Sunni D" family
@GoldenSpirals: [At Vision Center] Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: I'd like to be able to see all of them. That's why I'm here.