@Lerky: Seriously, soup?
If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar.
@iwearaonesie: wife's facebook post: so proud of 8, he's trying so hard in school! mama loves you!
wife's text to me: he failed gym. gym!! i need a drink
@Donna_McCoy: Cosmetic surgery is a great way to spend your life savings and end up looking like a surprised owl.
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement
Host: That's a salad.
@LosLos__: Cheese isn't just grate, it's legendairy.
@BromanConsul: "You knew what you were getting into, Charlene"
"Jim your addiction to long walks on the beach is destroying our marriage"
"YOU READ MY BIO"