@Lerky: Seriously, soup?
If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar.
@animadvertguy: WIFE: really?
WIFE: 20 mins and you haven't noticed?
ME: oh! hair looks nice, hun
WIFE: [crossing her 1 arm] I had my surgery today.
@MauriceBlitz: I hate reality shows. Like this one, for instance, called "The News."
@ghostkrogh: isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying.
@JeffSarcastic: All rooms are panic rooms if there is no iPhone charger
@moose_chocolate: A coworker told me she was "catching up on her correspondence" so apparently it's 1932 here at my workplace.