@Lerky: Seriously, soup?
If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar.
@omgthatspunny: Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calender? They each got 6 months.
@ScottLinnen: Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.
@amishschool: Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
@omgthatspunny: A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
@JohnLyonTweets: *walks into alma mater carrying English degree*
I'd like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.