@madmomsdiary: Seriously, Twitter. Do NOT import my contacts.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured
@CVTBaby: You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig.