@BriarSlyMalice: Sesame Street didn't prepare me for any of this bullshit.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: If I commit suicide, it’ll be for a shallow reason, like unrequited texts. But the note I leave will mention world hunger at least 11 times.
@Darlainky: -That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.
@Andrea__B__: I'm always just a bit disappointed when a liars pants don't actually catch on fire.
@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.