@LindaInDisguise: Setting a dowry for my teenage daughter. So far I've got 2 dogs, 1 little sister and an ant farm. Act before midnight, I'll toss in an iPad.
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@RoosterMustache: Hey now, you're a rock star, get your game on, Go plaaaay Hey now, you're potato, get your tate on, Po taaaate
@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.
@thetobbie: The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...
@daemonic3: [bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish