@Landon8426: Setting a teachers salary based on student performance is akin to paying a zookeeper based on how well the monkeys are behaving.
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@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
@cheeky__gal: The spider I just killed with a napkin isn't in the napkin, and now I'm in a circle of salt reciting incantations.
@Reverend_Scott: Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why didn't you text me? I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.
@BillCorbett: Deranged Extremist 1: We'll drown 100 kittens. Deranged Extremist 2: We won't drown ANY kittens. Cool Centist: We'll drown 50 kittens.