@Landon8426: Setting a teachers salary based on student performance is akin to paying a zookeeper based on how well the monkeys are behaving.
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@robdelaney: Reminder: Please just hit the "RT" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art.
@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.
@jeffswarens: After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.