@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.
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@SatansTongue: *Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!
@EndhooS: "What are you doing here?" I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond
@BradBroaddus: My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.