@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.
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@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him
@OBiiieeee: *i finally get a girl over* *dad rolls out from under my bed* YO SON WHATA YA CALL A PIG WHO DOES KARATE? "dad no" A PORK CHOP
@KyleMcDowell86: Juror:We find the defendant- *pizza guy bursts in* "Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty" Defendant: Im Not Guilty Judge:NOT GUILTY *bangs gavel*
@FauxFawx: *calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*