@xysist: Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG
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@timdonakowski: Butterflies have 1,200 eyes. That means they spend 7 months taking out their contacts every night.
@NicestHippo: GOD: Done! Every animal niche perfectly filled WOODPECKERS: We didn't get anything GOD: Oh. Uh...just pound trees with your face
@Izianikapani: Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.
@Gre_Gone: [Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo