@AJslackie: Sex so bad, Taylor Swift breaks up with you and doesn't even write a song about it.
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@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@TheAlexNevil: My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot.
@TheCatWhisprer: The best thing about the first day at a new job is nobody knows I only have one outfit.
@CanadianCyn: If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.