@realHamOnWry: Sex so good, you get out of bed to see which neighbor is having it.
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@realHamOnWry: My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player. I want us to see other people.
@vicki_gurley: My dad is so cheap that when he dies he is going to walk towards the light and turn it off..
@BoogTweets: Dad: People overcome adversity all the time. Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen? Me: *never blinks again*